"I exchanged letters with these people, satisfying them I was housebroken, and spent a fantastic night on the train, imagining in all possible detail the enigmatic nymphette I would coach in French and fondle in Humbertish"
--Humbert Humbert in Lolita
--Humbert Humbert in Lolita
Anyway, I will dedicate each week to a question that I have concluded I need to work on for myself. Let's begin with what has historically proved to be the most difficult for me, and which I am sure I will come back to in the future: how can I learn to let go?
It starts by trying to understand that I can't do it all. Recently I have been trying to let go of someone, but haven't been able to because I see him struggling with a condition that has followed him for many years. I feel like I can't leave him when he is having trouble with the condition, and I don't want to leave him when he's not. The irony of it all is that often times by being around I exacerbate the condition.
In the last week, however, it has gotten to a level beyond what I have ever seen him before. This condition has followed him for a long time, and he helped me through something very similar. That's why I'm sure he knows how to get through it. He isn't trying, though. He will go through the hospital shenanigans, promising to work on getting better. The sentiment lasts a week and then he's "cured" -- for a month at least! It is impossible for me to think I can help someone who is not willing to help himself, and I'm just going to be running into a wall over and over again trying. Recently this has caused immense problems and I am (almost literally) running away from it all. There's nothing more I can do. If I am going to be lied to in order to gain attention from me (when he has my undivided attention to begin with) I will not be very inclined to help. It can't be fixed until he realizes it and starts trying on his own. I have been nothing but supportive, and I did all I could. I have nothing left.
Of course this isn't the only example of me not being able to let go. I have a lot of issues with frienships and relationships that spawn from my inability to control my attachment to people. It can get to weird levels even with friends, nevermind people who have a deeper emotional connection. I don't know how to fix this yet, I've been focused on the first half of the issue, but it is something that is going to be actively worked on until it is perfect.
It starts by trying to understand that I can't do it all. Recently I have been trying to let go of someone, but haven't been able to because I see him struggling with a condition that has followed him for many years. I feel like I can't leave him when he is having trouble with the condition, and I don't want to leave him when he's not. The irony of it all is that often times by being around I exacerbate the condition.
In the last week, however, it has gotten to a level beyond what I have ever seen him before. This condition has followed him for a long time, and he helped me through something very similar. That's why I'm sure he knows how to get through it. He isn't trying, though. He will go through the hospital shenanigans, promising to work on getting better. The sentiment lasts a week and then he's "cured" -- for a month at least! It is impossible for me to think I can help someone who is not willing to help himself, and I'm just going to be running into a wall over and over again trying. Recently this has caused immense problems and I am (almost literally) running away from it all. There's nothing more I can do. If I am going to be lied to in order to gain attention from me (when he has my undivided attention to begin with) I will not be very inclined to help. It can't be fixed until he realizes it and starts trying on his own. I have been nothing but supportive, and I did all I could. I have nothing left.
Of course this isn't the only example of me not being able to let go. I have a lot of issues with frienships and relationships that spawn from my inability to control my attachment to people. It can get to weird levels even with friends, nevermind people who have a deeper emotional connection. I don't know how to fix this yet, I've been focused on the first half of the issue, but it is something that is going to be actively worked on until it is perfect.
Has it really been three years? Do you still have that SNES laying about? Well clearly you can see that I haven't kept my blog up for quite some time. Who knows, maybe I'll make a post later on (and leave comments to whomever have commented on me in the past to see if they'd re-visit again). I'm glad my posts made you smile. That's all us guys ever try to do, is make women happy, even for just one moment. The guys out there that want to take over the world, or take advantage of women are just the men that want to please themselves, and not care about others around them.
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Reading your post, it seems to me (that is if you want my two cents) that if you've done everything you could do, then it's up to him to decide if he wants to improve himself or not. Now I don't know what this condition is (I get the sense that he's addicted to drugs or something of that matter), but if you want him to get better (without any aid on your behalf) then you've got to show him that you can live a better life without him (that is also how you can lear to let go).
Forget about him. Move on and find another guy (prefebably one that doesn't have the same condition that he has). If you get good influences from a new boyfriend, then you'll learn how to move on through him. And as for your old bf, it's really 50/50. He can help himself to try and "win you back" or he can go in a very slippery slope and be in a worse place. How do you make sure he doesn't go down from where he is? Still be a friend, but not a "best friend" who'll jump over hoops to please him. Don't condone to his lies and antics.
Now I'm no psychiatrist, but I'd like to think I can give out some good advice. If you want to be more specific on what this condition is (but be more private at the same time), I'll be more than happy to listen. You can contact me at biggoronsword@hotmail.com
-M
I'm so bad at paying attention to my blogs :p Thanks for the advice. That's more or less what happened. I separated myself from the situation, and it seems to be working out for us. We ran into eachother the other day and he's doing great.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to keep up with your blog too (right as soon as I keep up with mine!), hope everything has been going well!